I am an extremely habitual person. There are countless things that I always do, often without thinking, simply because I always do them.
Some tendencies are innocuous, like sitting on the same side of the Bro-Sis table at each meal. Some are beneficial; for example, using the same shower in our community bathroom makes me feel more at home. Some are just plain silly, such as always putting certain foods (like potatoes) in certain spots on my plate (bottom left).
But some habits are harmful.
When I’m in class and my professor is halfway to the “Amen” before I’ve consciously realized we’re praying (though my head is bowed with eyes closed and hands folded anyway) something is wrong.
When I’m studying for a theology quiz and the notes in my own handwriting don’t look familiar in the slightest, there is a problem.
And I’m beginning to get concerned about the pattern that has been emerging in my mornings lately. The one involving an epic struggle to stay awake and alert until after my first class and chapel, at which point I collapse for an hour-long nap and wake up just in time to go to lunch.
So I’m resolving to change some of my habits.
First of all, prayer should not be a mindless routine. Actually, I believe that the root of these concerns is a deficiency in my prayer life. Praying consistently and wholeheartedly is something that I have always had a hard time with, but especially lately.
In light of this, I’ve decided to make prayer a focus. Just recognizing that I need to work on prayer is not enough, though. I need practical goals to help make sure that I am progressing.
So here it is: After chapel, instead of going for a nap, at least three times a week (Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays is the plan) I will shut myself in the Houghton 1 prayer room or somewhere else private. I will set my phone alarm for thirty minutes and I will not leave until that alarm goes off. Maybe I won’t be able to focus the whole time, but I will stay there. And I’m telling people about it (my roommates, my friends, whoever’s reading this) to ensure that I actually do it.
So ask me how it’s going sometime, and slap me if I make excuses (figuratively, please).
As for the rest of it:
“The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue,
to know the word that sustains the weary.
He wakens me morning by morning,
wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.”
--Isaiah 50:4
I will rely on God to help me not just to wake up every day but to thrive, to really live that day.
And not just to listen.
Now there is an interesting concept. Not just “to listen”, but “to listen like one being taught”. When my notes are unrecognizable and every effort is focused on staying awake, I am certainly not listening like one being taught. I might be listening well enough to write down what I need, but no further.
To listen as one being taught I must be engaged, fascinated, receptive. And I should be. After all, what I am learning is of the utmost importance and interest to me. But I’m weak, and I’m flawed, so I have to rely on His aid.
I’m changing my habits… but I can’t do it alone.
